grandma shit on top of the toilet
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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