i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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