I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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