I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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