I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
