in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
