I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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