i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
