Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
