Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
