Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
