it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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