Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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