Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize