who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
