Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
