Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
