Please, let me fuck your mom
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
