Fuck appropriateness.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize