just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
