i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
this hospital has no fireball
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
