At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
