and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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