What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
