i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
