I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize