Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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