I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
