things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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