I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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