Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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