I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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