Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize