Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I understand Curling. That high.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
