i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
