yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize