i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
