if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
