My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
