you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have fence marks all over my body
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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