we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
