god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
