im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
