Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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