I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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