ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
