she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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