1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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