You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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