so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i think my cat just said my name.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
