i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
