I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
