Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
