are you still at the devil's house?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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