Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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