i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
