omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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