he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
