I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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