What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
