I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
