tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
