I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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