Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
