If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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