whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
