Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
