Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
