i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize