Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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