Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
