I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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