Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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