Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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