love makes seman taste better
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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