Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He passed out mid-signature
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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