"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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