So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
