I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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